Vulnerability in Circus Arts

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Some side effects include: discomfort, subsiding of confidence, nausea, disappointment.
Other side effects may include: joy, pride, growth in confidence, growth in character.

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It’s a strange thing to do to yourself. To allow yourself to enter a moment where you can’t help but reach down, and check that you really did put pants on this morning. If not just for the worry of negative opinions from others; more-so, it strikes when the carefully constructed visions of how we see ourselves are threatened.

We build these images of how we believe we are, but also, how we believe we would like to be. These images can easily be manipulated by media, by friends, by role-models. But even if manipulation from an outer source takes little part in the final vision, the vision remains.

These self-pressures are positive in aspect; they induce change and growth. They keep the mind believing that you can be different, or perhaps, better to your standards. Nevertheless, this space is a comfortable one for both fulfilment, and disappointment.

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Vulnerability definition
“a varying state of weakness or strength that can be mobilized when one encounters a threatening event”
(Leffers et al, 2004, pg 19)

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When arriving at the Circus gates, you will be greeted by a sign. The sign reads “Your confidence must be this tall to ride”. This confidence may by self-confidence, or it may be confidence sucked from others. Regardless, this confidence is necessary when dealing with most genres of circus. The reason being? Confidence is needed to subside danger. There is a lot of risk in circus, not just for your emotions, but physically. Confidence is demanded when you find yourself upside down 20 ft in the air. And the outcome of the risk you’ve taken will be happily affected by the level of confidence portrayed.

Now vulnerability, I don’t believe, should be avoided in situation. In fact, regardless of the discomfort; it should be embraced. Acceptance of vulnerability is required, or, you may not have found yourself upside down in the first place.

My opinion is; the ones who succeed in Circus, are the ones willing to embrace vulnerability, and have realization that it’s the place they will excel the most. These people are able to try something without guarantee. They are able to be the first to attempt a new movement before anyone else. They are willing to feel vulnerable.

And that’s what’s interesting about when you put yourself in a vulnerable situation; seeing just how well you are able to handle it. This may be joyfully surprising for some, and terribly shocking for others.

So why do we feel vulnerable? Because we fear shame.

And why do we fear shame? Because feeling shame gives us the worry that we will not be accepted, and therefore we will not connect with others.

But what happens when you avoid vulnerability? You also avoid the chance of fulfilment. You avoid the chance of joy. You avoid the opportunity to learn and grow.

“The problem is–and I learned this from the research–that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can’t say, here’s the bad stuff. Here’s vulnerability, here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I don’t want to feel these… You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.”
-Brené Brown

Be realistic with yourself. Before attempting any Circus Arts you need to have a little chat with yourself. There needs to be a clear understanding of the two people you are. The person you are now, and the person you see yourself being. Differentiating that before-hand is recommended. This is a humbling exercise and it should not bring discouragement, but in fact, the exact opposite; inspiration.  Being honest with yourself will help you glide through that vulnerable position with (some form of) grace.

As for a summary…
I would conclude this theory with the opinion that circus is an exceptional place to practice vulnerability. The general atmosphere is warm, welcoming and forgiving. People within the world are kind and generous. And it’s a lovely space to make mistakes, and to let yourself grow.

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”
― Criss Jami